


For Blue Skies

by AtLeastWeWontBeLonelyInHell



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 07:57:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4514124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtLeastWeWontBeLonelyInHell/pseuds/AtLeastWeWontBeLonelyInHell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She couldn't go back to DC. Not now, not ever. Looking back had never been part of the job description.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Blue Skies

**For Blue Skies**

**.**

**.**

"I can't come back, Hotch."

"I know the bureau can't pay you as much as Interpol does..."

"This isn't about money." Emily's getting angrier by the second. She bites her lip, closes her eyes. Tells herself to calm down.

"I'm sorry," she starts again. "I know you mean well, but I can't."

"The team would be-"

"No," she interrupts him. Her voice firm, her eyes fixed on her desk. "Just stop asking, Aaron. There's nothing you can say to change my mind."

She hears him draw a breath, knows that the use of his first name is enough to make clear she meant what she said.

"I wish I could say I understand. But I don't," he tells her.

He sounds just as tired as she feels and Emily wonders if she should help him find a new agent.

"I know," she says. Absently rubbing her temple, trying to fight the oncoming headache. "I'm sorry."

It's getting silent and Emily wonders if this is the final straw. If this will be the last time one of them makes the effort to reach out to her.

It hurts to admit it, but she desperately hopes it is.

When she can't take the silence any longer, she tells Hotch that she has to go back to work and before he has the time to answer, she hangs up.

She hates herself for it.

For a moment she sits there, the phone still in her hand while she listens to the faint noise in the hallway outside her office.

It's been months since she last saw them. It had been the first and the last time she'd gone back to DC. And she only did it to help find JJ. She'd taken the jet back to London the same night. And even though it's what she told Clyde, it hadn't been only because of  _Luca._

Going back had made her realize how wrong it was to be among them any longer.

She wonders what they would say if they knew the truth. If they knew the real _her._ If they knew the reason why she joined the BAU. The reason why she left. That everything had been a lie right from the start.

She doesn't need to close her eyes to imagine the betrayal on their faces, the hurt in their eyes. It had been bad enough after Doyle, after Paris.

_This was worse._

If they knew, it wouldn't matter that she had loved them, that a part of her still did. The only thing that would matter, would be the fact that they had been her  _job._ That she had been the spy Hotch suspected her to be right from the start. Even though it hadn't been for the bureau.

Tiredly Emily rubs her eyes.

She couldn't go back. Not now, not ever. Her job is done and she needed to go on with her life. Here in London.  _With Clyde and Luca._

Looking back had never been part of the job description.

.

Silently Clyde watches Emily from his place in the doorframe to her office.

He just got the end of the phone call, but he knows what it had been about. It wasn't the first time Aaron Hotchner had called and Clyde was almost sure it wouldn't be the last. He knew he needed to do something about it. Maybe he had to get the BAU a new agent himself so they would stop bothering Emily.

"He called you again, didn't he?" Clyde asks her, while he makes his way into the room. Shifts the dark haired baby boy on his arm, his hand protectively against his back.

Emily looks up, a smile on her face.

"When did you get back?" she asks, already on her way towards them. "I thought you would be gone for at least another week?"

Clyde shrugs. "Things worked out a lot better than I hoped."

"I'm glad you're back," Emily tells him before she gives him a brief kiss, her dark eyes glistening in the light.

"And how was your day, little one?" she asks Luca, before she takes him into her own arms. Luca offers her some baby babbling as he reaches for her long hair with his hands. His blue eyes full of joy.

"Anne said something about drooling and teething," Clyde tells her, while he tries to remember what the nanny told him when he got home.

Emily chuckles, gesturing for his jacket with her free hand.

"The thing about drooling is true."

Clyde looks down, groans when he spots the stain.

"Great", he mumbles. "Thanks for ruining my favorite leather jacket, son."

On cue, Luca shows his brightest smile, making them both laugh.

"You didn't answer my question," he starts again, his eyes searching for hers.

Emily sighs.

"Hotch still wants me back on the team," she admits after a moment, and Clyde hears how exhausted she is.

"Do you want me to take care of it?"

"No," she shakes her head. "I can handle it."

He watches her bite her lip, wondering if there are tears in her eyes or if it's just because of the light.

"Sometimes I just wish I could tell them the truth. It would be easier than to keep on lying."

"You can't," Clyde answers. Tries to keep his voice gentle.

"I know," Emily nods, looking down at Luca who's about to fall asleep against her shoulder. "The truth wouldn't do them any good anyway."

Clyde watches her silently, before he steps forward and pulls her close with his arm around her waist.

"Let's get home," he whispers in her ear, his lips brushing against her skin. And he thinks that even though he never imagined his life to be like this, he couldn't be happier. And that the term  _home_ , finally makes sense.

"By the way, darling," Clyde adds casually with a look at Luca, trying to hold back a chuckle. "He's drooling on your jacket now."

.

Emily wakes up alone on the couch in the living room. She sits up tiredly, finding herself still dressed. A blanket carefully draped over her.

She blinks, finds her notebook shut on the coffee table. Her papers and folders gone and she's sure Clyde put them back into the safe in his study.

She must have fallen asleep when he went to take a shower.

Silently she makes her way though the dark penthouse, up to the second floor. She stops in the doorframe to the nursery, a smile on her lips.

Clyde's sitting on the floor, with his back against the crib. Luca in his arms, the two of them peacefully asleep. An empty baby bottle on the floor next to them.

She must have been exhausted if she didn't even hear him cry and Emily's glad Clyde's back home. Having a baby was a lot more difficult than taking down terrorists. At least for her.

_But she wouldn't want to miss it though._

She still remembers the day she found out that she was pregnant. She'd been scared and angry, unsure what to do. But Clyde had looked like he just won the lottery. Even more when her doctor told them that they were having a boy.

He'd convinced her that everything would be alright and even though neither of them had imagined their lives to go in  _that_  direction, as soon as they saw that tiny little human being on the ultra sound monitor for the first time, they'd known that it was what they wanted.

There had been no need for words, just like there was no need for rings to know that they belonged together.

For Emily, there had never been another person in her life who knew her like Clyde and she's certain there never will. They share a bond she isn't able to explain, a bond that's even deeper than love.

Still smiling Emily settles down next to Clyde, allows her head to rest against his shoulder. Her hand softly around Luca's fingers. And she knows that even though she never planned for any of this to happen, she couldn't be happier.

After searching all her life, she finally found  _home._

**.**

**.**


End file.
